Mating Season
by ItsOnMars
Summary: "Harry... Yer a Veela"  But so, it seems, is almost everyone else at Hogwarts.  What's a wizard to do?
1. Chapter 1

**OOO**

**Chapter 1: Harry… Yer A Veela.**

**OOO**

It had been around noon on a Saturday when Harry received a note by owl, reading in messy handwriting: _Come by with Ron and Hermione as soon as possible. Important news. Hagrid._

Harry had been quite confused, of course, because Hagrid's letter were usually long and rambled more than was necessary; however, Harry supposed there was a first for everything, and it wouldn't hurt to stop by Hagrid's hut. It wasn't like the other two members of the trio were doing anything of importance. Ron was gloating to anyone who would listen about how he had just viciously beaten Seamus in a game of wizard chess, and Hermione was wearing a look of impatience as Lavender squealed to her about Michael Corner's abs. For Merlin's sake, the witch was 17 years old and still shrieked like a twelve year old who just got her first crush. Harry pitied Hermione, as she looked like she was about to start hitting herself with _Hogwarts: A History_. Harry grinned before calling her name, laughing quietly to himself when she gave him a look that screamed desperation. She practically ran over to him, and then stopped to give Lavender an obviously fake look of sadness.

"Sorry, Lavender. I guess we'll have to discuss Michael's muscles another time. But it was fun talking to you! I'm afraid Harry needs to talk to me now, though. Hero stuff, you know?"

Lavender had given an understanding smile before bounding off to squeal some more to the other Gryffindor girls while Hermione shook her head slowly.

"I worry about girls of our generation sometimes, Harry. But what did you want to talk about, anyway?"

Harry laughed again at Hermione's statement, and then realized she was waiting for an answer.

"Oh, I got a letter from Hagrid. It's quite strange, actually. Here, read it while I call Ron over."

Harry dropped the small note into Hermione's hand before getting up and tapping Ron on the shoulder. The redhead quickly turned around and flashed a wide grin in Harry's direction.

"Did you see that? I just completely tore Seamus apart in that last chess game! He's trying to complain that I had an unfair advantage because I was brought up in the wizarding world, but I told him that he should stop being such a loser and just accept the fact that I, Ron Weasley, had just won from him fair and square in a game of wizard chess. He refused, though, so that's his problem."

Harry nodded and glanced over to where Seamus was sitting. The boy seemed to be pouting, explaining to Dean with animated gestures why wizard chess was a ridiculous game. Harry and Ron snickered as Dean groaned in impatience.

"Anyway, Ron, I just came over to say that Hagrid wrote me a letter. He wants the three of us to go visit him as soon as possible, so I thought that when you finished laughing at Seamus you could possibly come over with me and Hermione."

Ron shot Seamus one more amused smirk, before turning back to Harry and nodding.

"Alright, let's go then."

**OOO**

The walk to Hagrid's hut was uneventful. Hermione walked ahead of them, seeming to enjoy the crispy fall air, while Ron and Harry lagged behind and discussed the new Gryffindor Quidditch team. The two had just started discussing their chances of winning that year when they finally arrived at Hagrid's doorstep. They stopped talking as Hermione knocked on the door, and laughed as Fang lunged out of the door, running over and slobbering on all three students at the same time. Hagrid stood in the doorway, a grim smile on his face.

"Well, don't just stand there. Come in, come in!"

**OOO**

Thankfully, Hermione managed to convince Hagrid that they really were serious when they meant they didn't want tea and rock cakes at the moment. They had had breakfast a mere hour and a half ago, and although Hagrid's food was… delicious, they were simply stuffed. Ron looked about to protest when Harry sent him a glare, effectively quieting the boy down.

"But enough of talking about food. How are you, Hagrid? Your letter seemed quite urgent."

The half-giant let out a heavy sigh upon hearing Hermione speak, leaning towards his guests.

"Well, I've got a bit of news for yeh. I don't know why it took so long to find out. Merlin knows Dumbledore shoulda told yeh, but I suppose he didn't. It's strange, really…"

Harry leaned forward, intrigued.

"What is it, Hagrid?"

Hagrid sighed again, looking at Harry with a grave look in his eyes.

"Harry_… yer a Veela_."

There was a shocked silence in the room for a few seconds, until it was finally broken when Ron and Hermione started to speak at the same time.

"Well, finally! Good job, mate! It's great to know I'm not the only male Veela in our year and house. Well, I'm pretty sure that Neville's a Veela, but I haven't asked him yet."

"Merlin knows the whole school is full of Veelas. It's not as bad as it seems, Harry. I read up on Veelas, and they're quite interesting. Well, I shouldn't say 'they', as I am a Veela myself, but you know what I mean."

Harry turned to his friends, flabbergasted.

"Do you mean that you're Veelas? Both of you? But I thought it was really uncommon in Britain, or anywhere really! And Hermione, you're muggleborn! How does that even work out?"

Hermione shrugged, for once not appearing concerned about the logic behind it all.

"It's magic, Harry. Don't question it."

Harry shot a bewildered look towards Ron.

"And you too? Merlin, why didn't you even mention it?"

Ron shrugged, eerily resembling Hermione.

"I guess it never came up. But welcome to the club!"

Harry shot a hopeless look towards Hagrid, whose eyes were twinkling. Harry thought this was quite strange, as it seemed that Dumbledore had copyrighted the eye-twinkle a long time ago. But, Harry supposed, there was a first time for everything.

"Oh, I forget to mention something to yeh, Harry. I'm a Veela too." 

The last thing Harry heard before fainting was Hermione saying "Ooh, I wonder who his mate will be!"

**OOO**

Harry awoke in his bed at three in the afternoon with a splitting headache and a note on his chest. He fumbled to put on his glasses, which were carefully placed on the table next to him, and started to read. The handwriting was elegant and undoubtedly belonged to the Headmaster. Just looking at it made one think of eye-twinkles and mysterious beards.

"Dear Harry," it read.

"I hear from Hagrid that you have found out about your Veela blood. Yes, it's true, you really are a Veela. You seem to have inherited it from James. I remember he was quite the charmer in his days, everything a Veela embodied. You would make him proud.

Having said those grandfatherly words, I will now move on to a more serious subject. Now that you are aware of your Veela blood, you are required to attend an additional class. It will take place after your last class, and will be on Mondays and Thursdays. This is a class for Veelas and Veelas only, Harry. So you can expect to see almost all of the fifth, sixth, and seventh years there. I know that there are many Veelas among your fellow seventh years. In fact, I believe that there are only seven non-Veelas in your year, but don't worry, they will probably join your class by November.

I will teach the class. Yes, I am a Veela, Harry. In fact, one day I shall tell you who my mate is if I have the time. It's quite a charming tale, really.

But I have gone off of the original subject. In fact, I do believe I have said everything I meant to, so I will end this letter by telling you that I expect you in class in two days.

Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore"

Harry's only reaction upon reading this letter was an eye twitch, which was promptly followed by a session of hysterical laughter, which in turn was followed by a session of hysterical crying.

Sometimes he just felt like a teenage girl who enjoyed putting him into the strangest situations possible was writing his life; however, Harry quickly shook off that idea. It had about as much logic behind it as the idea of Hagrid being a Veela. Or Ron. Or Hermione. Or Neville. Or Dumbledore, for that matter.

Some things were just too strange.

**OOO**

**So. This is what goes through my mind at 11:45 PM on a Monday. Let me warn you, this is a parody on the Veela fics I have read the summaries of and the Veela fics that I have actually read. Now, don't get me wrong, some Veela fics are quite well-written, but… well, come on, you know you've laughed at some of them before… **

**I'm also going to warn you that this first chapter was as normal as the story is going to be. In the next few chapters, you're going to read some quite disturbing and all T-rated (nothing above, meaning) things that will make you wonder what the hell I do in my spare time.**

**And in the mean time, you can just maybe review? Please?**

**In the next chapter, you'll find out the answers to many questions, such as: **_**Who is Dumbledore's mate? And Harry's? And Ron's? And Hermione's? And... Well, you get the point. And also, just what do they teach in Veela classes, and who attends them?**_

**Until next time…**

**Sincerely,**

**ItsOnMars**


	2. Chapter 2

**OOO**

**Chapter 2: Horrifying News**

**OOO**

Harry walked towards his Veela classroom feeling uneasy. After all, it wasn't like this was September. The class had mostly likely been going on for the past few weeks, as it was already nearing November, and Harry was dreading the awkward hour that was to come where he was the only one in class unaware of what was going on.

It was much to his surprise, then, when he entered the classroom and saw that Dumbledore had not arrived yet; however, the board had writing on it, which read "_Welcome To Your First Day Of Veela Class!_". Harry turned to Hermione, who had already taken her seat, confusion plainly written on his face.

"How is this the first day of Veela class? It's already been weeks since school started!"

Hermione didn't bother turning around, choosing instead to stare at the doorway. She shrugged, and her tone indicated just how bored she was of this conversation.

"It's called magic, Harry."

Harry turned to Ron, confused as to what was happening. He then noticed that Ron was already busy. There seemed to be a mini feast spread around his desk. British and American candies, magical and muggle, filled the area around him, and Ron was biting off a large piece of a huge chicken leg. Upon seeing Harry's bewildered stare, Ron wiped his mouth and spoke.

"Bloody hell, mate! Just wait for class to start, I'm sure it'll answer all your questions… Mate!"

Harry groaned, running a hand through his hair. Just as he was about to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't having a nightmare, he saw a familiar flash of white blond hair as Malfoy strutted up to where the three Gryffindors were sitting.

"Malfoy? You're a Veela- as in, your blood isn't as clean as you boasted it was? What happened to ultimate pureblood supremacy?"

Malfoy, in a decidedly un-Malfoy-ish manner, ignored Harry and turned to face Hermione, a look on his face that seemed to be… adoring?

"Hermione, my dearest, I think it's only fair to tell you that I already know who my mate is. You see, every Malfoy finds out who their mate is the day they turn seventeen, and that very conveniently happened to be yesterday, even though my birthday is on June 5th most years. But that's not what's important. I have come here to profess my love for you!"

Hermione turned red, but Harry was sure it was from anger. After all, why would Hermione be blushing? He then looked at Malfoy's companions. Instead of just having Crabbe and Goyle, it seemed that Blaise Zabini had joined the crew as well.

"Zabini? You're a Veela too? Merlin, how many Veelas are there in this school?"

Ron snorted and answered Harry's question, even though it had been posed to the Slytherin.

"Almost everyone, mate. Bloody hell!"

Harry ignored his friend and just looked at Zabini, wondering if the boy had heard him.

"Well, the thing is, Potter, I'm not a Veela."

"So why are you even in this class?"

Zabini shuddered, for some reason. He then only uttered one word.

"_Dumbledore_."

Harry raised an eyebrow, but didn't press the Slytherin. After all, it was strange that the boy hadn't taken the opportunity to insult Harry yet. Anyway, he looked traumatized as it was, so there wasn't any need to provoke him.

Just as Harry finished thinking that thought, Dumbledore entered the room, his eyes twinkling stronger than usual. Within a second everyone was calmly seated and all conversation had ceased.

"Hello, students! Welcome to your first day of Veela class!"

Harry raised his arm, and spoke when Dumbledore nodded at him.

"I'm sorry, professor, but I just don't understand. Why is this the first class? It's almost November!"

"Well, we couldn't start this class without you being in it, could we?"

"So you only started having class… once I knew I was a Veela?"

"That is correct."

"So why didn't you tell me before school started, or on the first day of class?"

Dumbledore chuckled, and turned to face the class.

"Does anyone have an answer for Mr. Potter? Yes, Ms. Granger."

Hermione turned to face Harry, an angry look on her face.

"It's magic, Harry, stop questioning it! And stop interrupting class time!"

Harry sunk lower into his seat, a resigned look on his face as Dumbledore continued to speak to the class.

"Now, today you will be finding out who your mates are. I am aware that some of you may already know, but I ask that you participate, just for the fun of it. Also because this is the only lesson plan I could think of, and I don't want you to just sit there for an hour. "

Malfoy smirked and turned to face Hermione. He obnoxiously winked, and Hermione reddened again. In anger, of course.

"Now, the test is very simple. You take a normal cauldron and say the very mystical and magical sounding words that I have written on the board. They are: findus my matus. Don't worry about knowing what they mean. It's very old Latin, and it only matters that you pronounce them correctly. You must utter the incantation three times, very slowly, and then stare at your cauldron in an intimidating manner. It will then start to glow for reasons unknown, and on the very bottom, you will see written the name of your mate."

Zabini raised his hand, a terrified yet hopeful look on his face. Dumbledore faced him, a delighted smile forming.

"Yes, my dear boy?"

Zabini shuddered before speaking, seeming to move his chair away from the professor.

"How accurate are these tests? I mean, isn't there the slightest chance that they're faulty?"

"None at all, my very, very dear boy."

Zabini's gulp was very audible as he meekly continued, his voice subdued.

"But let's say, for example, that a male Veela gets the name of another male in his cauldron. It wouldn't make sense, would it? I mean, don't Veela mates exist to ensure that Veelas produce heirs and the race lives on? If the Veela can't produce any children with its mate, the system is faulty!"

"The test is never wrong, my oh so dear boy, and you would do well to keep that in mind."

Harry was quite sure that Zabini's eyes were filled with tears upon hearing this. He shrugged, though, not really caring why the Slytherin was acting so strangely. After all, everyone was off today. It must have been the weather.

**OOO**

Harry stared at his cauldron with as much intimidation as possible, having already repeated the spell three times. Just as he was beginning to get bored, a small glow came from the cauldron, and he saw letters at the bottom. They read…

Draco Malfoy?

The rest of the students in the classroom had to cover their ears for the next minute, in vain trying to ignore the loud and rather girlish scream of horror that had come from the mouth of the Boy-Who-Lived.

**OOO**

Malfoy? How could it be Malfoy? Harry hated the prick! And anyway, wasn't Malfoy supposedly the mate of Hermione? This was almost as scarring as when Hagrid had sent Harry a letter saying only:

"By the way, my mate is Charlie Weasley."

These bloody Veela systems were too complicated, anyway. Harry tried to ignore the pressing matter at hand, and turned to his redheaded friend.

"Who'd you get, Ron?"

"Bloody hell, mate, I got Lavender Brown."

"Really?"

"Really, mate. Bloody hell!"

Harry turned around to face Luna as Ron took a large bite of a Chocolate Frog.

"Oh, hello Luna! I didn't see you earlier today. You're a Veela, too?"

"Hello, Harry. Yes, the author hadn't remembered me until just now, so that's why you didn't see me."

"Err… what author?"

"Oh, stop joking around Harry. The author, you know? But to answer your question, I got Blaise Zabini. Do you know who that is? I've never heard of him."

"Zabini? Good luck, Luna. He's that terrified looking Slytherin sitting next to Malfoy. Wait a minute… I could have sworn he was black when he came into class half an hour ago! Why is he suddenly Italian?"

"Oh, I know him! He was an Italian girl last year, I think. Yes, it was quite a shock to us all when we discovered that he was actually an African male. He sometimes turns Italian, though, poor boy. I think he's still traumatized by the change. He still can't make up his mind as to what he wants to be. I think I'll go talk to him."

Harry watched Luna skip away towards her mate, a peaceful smile on her face. Before she could reach him, she accidentally bumped into Dumbledore. He smiled and waved away her apology before asking who her mate was. She responded, and suddenly a change came over Dumbledore. He was no longer smiling. In fact, he looked furious, his eyes no longer twinkling. He seemed to suddenly grow taller and more fearsome as he stared at the unshaken young Ravenclaw.

"Blaise Zabini?"

His voice was frightening, louder than Harry had ever heard it.

"Impossible! Blaise Zabini is my mate! We are destined to be together!"

Luna looked over to the boy in question, an eyebrow raised in polite concern.

"Oh dear. It seems the poor boy's fainted. He's had quite a day, hasn't he?"

**OOO**

It was a few minutes of horror before Harry remembered that he had never asked Hermione who her mate was. He found her after a few seconds of searching, and asked her. She looked up from her book, _Hogwarts: A History_- for that was all Hermione ever seemed to read, despite being a bookworm- and closed it before answering.

"Crookshanks."

Harry's jaw fell, and it was a few seconds of painful stammering before he could speak.

"B-b-but… how?"

Hermione scoffed, opening her book again as she replied in a bored tone.

"It's magic, Harry. Honestly."

**OOO**

**So… That's Chapter 2! I know this took a long time to update, and I'm really sorry. I actually had it half written before I left on vacation three or so weeks ago, but by accident my dad deleted it and then I had to rewrite it once we came back from France. So I'm sorry about that one. But on the bright side, Chapter 3 will be up quite soon, since it's practically finished! Oh, I've decided that this story will only be three chapters long. It's not going to be short because I don't enjoy writing it- I most certainly do. It's just that I don't know how entertaining it would be to read chapters upon chapters of what is essentially a horrible and quite mocking Veela fic with everyone being quite OOC. Oh, and I'd feel horrible for poor old Blaise Zabini to suffer through so many chapters of Dumbledore's… affections. I actually started this story planning for everyone in Hogwarts to be a Veela, and for their mates to all be Blaise Zabini, but then I felt bad for the little bugger.**

**Anyway, I'll stop rambling.**

**Before I leave, though, I'd like to thank the amazing and wonderful 999KitKat999 for reviewing last chapter! I'd also like to thank all of you who put this on story alert or on your favorites list.**

**I'd love to see you all leave a review! It doesn't matter how long or short it is, I'd just like to know that I'm not making a fool out of myself for nothing.**

**Until next time!  
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**Sincerely,**

**ItsOnMars :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**OOO**

**Chapter 3: Dumbledore's Dear Boy**

**OOO**

The next two months passed painfully slowly. Malfoy seemed to suddenly have fallen in love with Hermione, and sat next to her at the Gryffindor table every day. Every morning he would present her with a new piece of jewelry, proving to everyone that the Malfoys had no shame in flaunting their ever-present money. Nobody else seemed to have a problem with this except for Harry. In fact, Hermione herself had confessed to Harry just the other day that she thought she was falling in love with the ferret.

"But I thought your mate was Crookshanks?"

"It doesn't matter who my mate is. If I'm Drakey's mate, and I love him, our bond becomes strong enough to outweigh my connection to Crookshanks."

"But that makes absolutely no sense!"

"It's called magic, Harry."

Harry rolled his eyes, having heard this answer too many times in the past few weeks to his liking. Just as he was about to leave the common room, though, he realized just what Hermione had said.

"So you mean to say that if I was to be someone's mate, and I loved them, my own mate wouldn't technically be my mate anymore?"

"Well, yes."

"So all I need to do is find someone who has me as their mate! And then I'm free from Malfoy's clutches!"

"…What?"

"Nothing."

"I'm sure it was something, Harry."

"I'm sure you were wrong, Hermione. Anyway, I'm off to scour the castle for willing girls!"

As Harry ran out, Hermione shook her head and quietly spoke.

"Dear Merlin, he's turned into a man whore."

**OOO**

As Harry ran through the halls, he stopped when he heard the raised voice of none other than Blaise Zabini. Curiously, he edged forward, hiding behind a quite conveniently placed pillar to eavesdrop on the conversation.

"For the last time, I refuse to be your mate!"

"But why? It is our destiny, my dear boy!"

"I'm not your dear boy, you old coot! If anything, I'm Luna's dear boy! We've been going out for a month now, and I'll have you know that she's actually quite lovely! Either way, there's no way that I'd ever accept being the mate of a three hundred year old man who is my headmaster!"

"And why not?"

There was a pause filled only with the furious and exasperated sputtering of Zabini.

"Did you know, my dear boy, that when you get very angry you start to resemble the beautiful Italian girl you once were?"

"I AM NOT YOUR DEAR BOY!"

Harry quickly hid as Zabini ran past, his hair suddenly longer and his skin now showing that he had indeed reverted back to an Italian. Within a few seconds, Zabini's footsteps could no longer be heard. The only thing that Harry could make out was Dumbledore's sigh as he walked away.

"He will see in time that we are destined for each other. After all, the cauldron never lies."

**OOO**

Not to be hindered by so disturbing an event, Harry continued his journey to search for a Veela girl to be his mate. Anyone would do, as long as they weren't a tall albino male ferret that was lusting after Hermione Granger. Soon enough, his prayers were granted as he collided with Ginny Weasley. After apologizing and helping her up, he remembered the purpose of his quest.

"Ginny, you're a Veela, aren't you?"

"Yes… why?"

"Who's your mate?"

"I'm not sure why you want to know this."

"It doesn't matter why, just tell me, why don't you?"

Ginny let out an exasperated sigh before fixing her hand on her hip.

"Fine. My mate is Cornelius Fudge."

The girl waited for a few seconds for a response, but soon realized that, judging by Harry's open mouth and look of hopelessness, she wouldn't get one any time soon, Ginny walked away.

**OOO**

It was with dread that Harry woke up the next morning. He went through his daily ritual of stepping over the immense pile of food that surrounded Ron's bed as he went on his way to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth mindlessly, not bothering to look in the mirror, as the only thing he would see was a depressed and angst ridden teenager, much like the one that had faced him for the entirety of fifth year.

He walked into the Great Hall without bothering to even look up. Harry kept his eyes on the floor, muttering all the curses he could think of as he dragged his feet to the Gryffindor table. He only looked up once he sat down, surprised to see the school in panic as owls flew everywhere. The students and teachers were speaking quickly and with animated gestures, confused and annoyed looks on their faces. Harry turned to face Hermione, voicing his bewilderment.

"What's going on here?"

"You haven't heard? It's all the latest news! We just found out an hour ago."

"Does this have to do with almost the whole school being Veelas?"

Hermione scoffed, as she seemed to be doing quite frequently over the past few weeks.

"Veelas? None of us are Veelas, Harry; I don't know where you came up with that idea. Everyone knows that Veelas are extremely rare. I guess you were dreaming about them and haven't fully woken up. I'd stop dreaming about them, though. Last time Fleur heard you and Ron talking about your dreams, and she didn't come out of her room for a week, that's how horrified and scarred she was."

"Wait, what? Disregarding all of the last sentences, of course. What do you mean, none of us are Veelas? Are you trying to tell me you were all pulling a giant prank on me since October?"

"Do stop babbling and listen to the news."

"Fine, fine, I'll let it slide. What's the big news, anyway?"

Hermione's face lit up in excitement as she leaned closer and confidentially whispered:

"The Ministry of Magic has just announced that there's to be a marriage law for all the wizards and witches, starting at seventeen years old!"

**OOO**

**And that's the end of "Mating Season"! No, seriously, it is. **

**I know it's only the third chapter, but I never thought this would be a long story, and I'm quite happy with where it ended. **

**I'd like to thank the following for reviewing since I posted the last chapter: gaara1223, PoppiiD, and digigirl02. You guys are awesome! Also, thanks to everyone who favorited or put this on story alert.**

**Since this is the last chapter, I'd love to get all of your final thoughts on this story. **

**Until next story,**

**ItsOnMars :)**


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